Marley & Me
19 Jun 2009 Leave a Comment
in I feel like, Pregnancy is not a walk in the park Tags: baby, dogs, marriage, movie, work
Just finished watching Marley & Me (hb rented me some movies last night, seeing that I looked a little down), think I haven’t cried that long watching a movie before during the last part of the movie. But the movie seems to hit close to home about possible strain for work life and marriage, and all along I thought it was just dog movie.
Emotional hormones at work
08 Jun 2009 Leave a Comment
in I feel like, Pregnancy is not a walk in the park
I don’t know why but I feel like I have tears balling up behind my eyes. I’m not exactly very unhappy, and I can’t explain why I feel that way to mu hubby either. But I just feel so upset with whatever I’m trying to do. I feel clueless and directionless.
I couldn’t seem to appreciate my baby’s movements, which usually gives me relief that she is healthy moving away. Right now I only feel the pain as she pushes her way downwards. It’s not supposed to feel like this. But I’m getting so tired.
I could scream in pain everytime I get up from my seat. I couldn’t rest without pain. I like her to slow down trying so hard to match the pace of the other mtbs that I know because I don’t know if I’m ready yet to have a natural delivery of this baby.
I am just so tired, so tired that I want to cry
Tough week with the rumbles
06 Jun 2009 Leave a Comment
Sometimes I don’t really know if my baby being really restless or it’s just me with a low tolerance level. As I sit here to type, I can feel her stretching away from my naval all the way to my right side. This happens almost every 2 minutes or so. It doesn’t kill me but it certainly makes my day the worst feeling ever, like something trying to rip you apart slowly.
I can’t say I hate it because I need to know she’s moving to know she’s healthy, but my energy feel drained away after half an hour of it. I end up almost feeling that I’ve done stomach crunches, and short-breath. I think I’m in a bit of trouble here. Most of the time, I feel a little constipated, but tonight, it’s like I’ve been fed laxatives (maybe I had, I don’t know what’s in my dinner causing it or maybe the yogurt that I took in the evening), I had the first diarrhorea in a long time since this pregnancy.
It’s a tough week for me, because the person so full of pride in me want to do good at her job. I want to feel like I can trust myself to meet expectations, and that not being able to hurts. I don’t want to cry over it, but inside it really does hurt and makes me sad. I tell it to Jo but he just thinks I’m crazy trying to get things right, that I should just go to bed and keep myself happy so that the baby’s happy. I admit I tend to forget that I’m pregnant when I’m looking at tweaking pixels with the laptop on a pillow up to my chest. I am lucky in a way that I don’t live with my in-laws or parents, so I can be left alone to work at night. Only person who can mind me is Jo and he knows he can’t make me do what I don’t want to do. I’m in a confused state. I want to keep my pride intact by giving and doing my work, but I’m so tired that I can scream in my head.
Next week is my semi-last week of a full week of work. Usually people see a wind-down to responsibilities, but I’m handed another new project folder to added to my desktop. I’m not too crazy about it because it lacks the ownership for the next person who takes over the job of continuing with it, and I’m not entirely sure what the other designers are doing either to say that I shouldn’t be getting the responsibility for this project. I don’t know what to think anymore, it just makes me very sad and emotional at the moment. I’m not feeling happy and I don’t know how to make myself feel happy at the moment.
I’m not short right?
21 May 2009 Leave a Comment
in I feel like, I love you baby, Pregnancy is not a walk in the park
I don’t think I’m short. I got long leg true, but my torso not say short what. This little niuniu (this is the year of the cow) inside seems to get so much kick out of poking into my left pelvis and pushing into my right sides at the same time every 1 minute, and it’s driving me nuts because sometimes it is unsettling, and sometimes it plain hurts. At the same time, I’m hoping her head is down there.
Tummy itches and my breasts are touching my chests. This has never happened to me because I have always been skinny. Now it’s driving me nuts because I can’t sit close to the laptop to work, and Josh’s old laptop has horrible resolution issues that makes the text look like ants, and I can’t read them unless I’m up close and I’m working on a style guide that feels like a university thesis!!! Oh man, wish I can make the style guide short and sweet, but I don’t think I will get away with it. Plus they think they can stuff me with another project next week, my patience is wearing thin with the growing tummy.
Bloated feet and ugly cellulite
13 Apr 2009 Leave a Comment
in Daily musings, I feel like, I love you baby, Pregnancy is not a walk in the park Tags: blues, body ache, mattress, sleep
Weather has been a bit warm for the past couple of weeks, so I got a bit of that itchy throat kind of cough, that wakes me and the little one in the tummy during the night. She doesn’t like it one bit, and would spend some time shifting and kicking while I try to get back to sleep. I have grown very used to sleep on my side, though I tend to shift whenever I wake. Hahaha, I guess now those mattress advertisements that sell the notion of not disturbing your partner if you tend to shift a lot in bed makes sense now. I just got a new mattress delivered yesterday, a high-density foam one, to replace my nearly 5-yr-old spring one, so I experimented with sleep on my back a few times last night, and it didn’t seem to hurt so much. Shall wait and see if the benefit from the new mattress persists. I prefer to lie on my back for the time being, since she isn’t that huge and heavy yet, I feel her weight pulling on my sides more when I sleep on my side, so I gotta prop a pillow on my side underneath to ease tension. She’s actually kinda cute when I feel like she curled up on my belly in a fetal position (guess that’s why it didn’t hurt so much on my back then). She was in a head down position in early 2nd trimester, and really feeling the strain in the back. Though I’m not extremely figure conscious because I used to being the skinny type, I got a tinge of blues from seeing the bones of my ankles disapppearing with the water retension in the feet, and cellulite building up in the thighs after showers. Not wearing heels since I found out about the pregnancy, but I bet I look awful in my heels with bloated feet. I exercise for health reasons, and never in the cosmetic sense; guess I really need to take exercise more seriously postnatal.
I bet this is what you want to hear about, Sally.
Going on maternity leave, when?
12 Apr 2009 Leave a Comment
in I feel like, Pregnancy is not a walk in the park Tags: income, job, maternity leave, postnatal
I am going to be a SAHM after the baby’s delivery, though I don’t like the circumstances from work that drove me to the scenario. Actually the question that’s bothering me as we get into the 3rd trimester is probably coming to a decision of when to start my pre-confinement leave. I’m in the advertising area, and stress levels peak at least once every week, so emotionally I feel better if I wasn’t so stressed out whilst dealing with physical discomfort of the pregnancy, but I also worry about making sure I have an income as long as I could postnatal.
Though I don’t think we are essentially financially burdened after the baby, because I’m not a huge spender over the years since I got married, and have a pretty sensible spending habit. I still would prefer to spend my own money. I have an undeclared spending pattern with Joseph. He pays mostly for the household expenses, and bills, pays for the groceries most of the time though it didn’t matter between the two of us who did either, since we share the same food, no matter who does more of the eating as long as each other is looked after. Although it gets more and more real to him each day as we inch closer to the delivery day, that he’ll soon become the sole bread winner of the house, weird it didn’t seem real to him when I was working, hahahaha. I guess he needs to be mentally prepared for the possibility that he could be out of a job too.
I’ll sleep on it till I couldn’t sleep on it any more. Meantime, the thought of it before bedtime will probably make me go sleepless for a while.
Hungry hungry hippo
18 Mar 2009 1 Comment
in Daily musings, I feel like, I love you baby, Pregnancy is not a walk in the park
Today I have the unbearable urge to keep on eating, and it has been that way since I had quaker oats in the morning, to lotus root soup for lunch, yogurt, ice-cream, marshmallows, apples, and now I’m cooking noodles as a last resort. On the other hand, I think my little darling is also saying mummy, I’m not giving any more room for the food. My tummy is so tight, even my hubby who put on some cocoa butter on my tummy says it’s taut.
Okay, the water’s boiling for the noodles
