Borderline sanity
21 Aug 2009 Leave a Comment
in Baby blues Tags: night duty
Really so tired today dealing with 30min or 1hr naps from the baby, which was still reasonable, but I want a longer rest for myself. This has been the 7th night back from my mum’s place & the 4th day of a working week where the hubby gets the sorry excuse of “I got to work tomorrow and can’t deal with the baby after 10pm”. Most nights I’m doing okay, borderline sanity and sometimes it feels worse than doing my job because you can’t afford to lose it at the baby.
Tonight she threw up on the master bed. She didn’t cry, wasn’t uncomfortable, which points to mischief. I’m used to the extra laundry mess gives me something to do than staring at her all the time, so that I can shut an eye. But the day just feels like I’m feeding her round the clock, and trying to get her to sleep round the clock. It was close to her 12am feed, and she want to hurl on me again, I got mad. I said to her that’s the last straw, mummy’s not going to be nice anymore. I said to her face, “Stop it, girl.” I was quite stern at her, she didn’t make anymore noise, but she also stopped drinking from her bottle. Okay, whatever, I put in the rocker, dragged it to the study, and rocked her in it while I surfed till she wants to feed again, which I’m sure she will since she only did 40% of her bottle.
She stared at me the whole time while I rocked her. Sometimes the rocker moves away, and I put it back to me, and her eyes just stared at me. Her face just expressionless, she didn’t even frown which is her most often expression. She just stared at her mummy. I can’t stay mad at her anymore. It just looked like she’s saying, “I don’t know what I did wrong”. Now she looked at me till she’s fallen asleep.
